they need to just BURY HIM!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
