every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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