what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
