If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
