Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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