dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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