Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
