Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
