I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
