my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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