So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
