i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize