Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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