fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
