I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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