I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
