At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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