The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
