you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
