I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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