Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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