I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
