you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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