So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
