You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
