Who wears a wallet chain?!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
