if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
