I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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