Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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