Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
