....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize