1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
