Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
