I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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