Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
