I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize