I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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