We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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