she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
