I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
