oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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