I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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