Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
