I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
