how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
