Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
