I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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