His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we're so committed to being not committed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
