When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize