The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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