I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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