the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
