Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
