So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
