Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
