this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
