I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I color on your dick again?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
