u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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