he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
