You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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