its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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