Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
