The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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