I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
