Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
