i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
