haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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