Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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