all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize