your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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