Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
